Looking At The Trust Layers
Building a bridge of trust takes sincere effort, patience and time. As I stated in my earlier post, I believe that that bridge is best built on the foundation of a clear code. It not only provides a strong base, but also works as a mortar that holds subsequent layers together.
The second layer of the bridge is for me, the teacher, to outline...and follow through with...the actions that I believe align with our code and create the best possible environment for language acquisition.
The third layer is comprised of what we allow, and encourage, from the students in the classrooms. This is a complex endeavor, made up of hundreds, if not thousands of tiny interactions that take place in the classroom.
Creating a strong code for the classroom makes it easier. Thinking about what I can do, on a daily basis, makes it easier. Communicating the code, and my goals, to my students makes it easier. Being vigilant takes practice. The beauty of it? As more trust layers are built, there will be fewer "trust violations" to deal with among the students.
Having said that, our students are children...or adolescents. They will say and do many things that destroy trust. They live in a world where the actions that destroy trust are the actions most highly rewarded with money and popularity. They will try out their newly-developing cognitive abilities in order to find their place in a social world of ever-growing importance. We cannot take it personally when they throw stink bombs of sarcasm, criticism and cynicism on those trust bridges. We can only continue to build layers and reward/encourage them when they add layers.
In fact, perhaps the most important thing that we can demonstrate, with words and actions, is that we will always have hope and faith in their ability to become intelligent, interesting, capable and important adults.
When behavior goes awry in my classroom, I try to deal with it as directly and honestly as possible. I try to offer the offender some dignity (even if I, or others in the class think he/she doesn't deserve any under the circumstances). I try to request an apology from the offender. I try to acknowledge the apology when it comes.
Example: We are creating a story. I ask "Why _________?" and a student yells out the statement "Cuz So-and-So ( a student ) is so fat!". I stop. Immediately. I look, with a neutral face (no smiling/no frowning) at the offending student.
Possibility #1: The student knows an error has been made and apologies. I say, "Apology accepted." We immediately go back to the story.
Possibility #2: The student just thought he was being funny. He is laughing at his own humor. I look directly at him and calmly say, "We do not make insulting comments. Perhaps it was unintentional. Please apologize. " The student knows an error has been made and apologies. I say, "Apology accepted." We immediately go back to the story.
Possibility #3: The student was being deliberately cruel or rude. I can sense anger in the student's tone. I look directly at him and calmly say, "We do not make insulting comments. Perhaps it was unintentional. Please apologize. " If the student does apologize, we continue. If the student does not apologize, I say "Please wait for me in the hallway. I'll speak with you privately in a few moments." I ask the class to write down three ideas in L1 or L2 about what happens next in the story. I step into the hallway (leaving the door open and the class within my view) and have a short discussion with the student. Sometimes the student apologizes (which often happens once they are not in front of their peers).
I always ask if there is a problem between the insulter and the insultee. Often, some issue unrelated to class is involved and we can address that in the guidance office after class. Usually the student is struggling with some other issue and insulting someone else felt "good" for just a few seconds. Usually, by this time, there has been an apology and we enter the class and go on.
I do not make the student apologize publicly to another student unless, as a class, we have reached a certain level of trust. While it seems like it might be the right thing to do, with my high school students it often embarrasses both students beyond repair. If I think that a conversation between the two is necessary, I find a way for it to take place outside of class.
Most importantly, if I have somehow embarrassed a student or put any of my students in a bad position, I apologize. Publicly. Sincerely. Most teens have had few experiences with sincere apologies. They need that exposure.
with love,
Laurie
The second layer of the bridge is for me, the teacher, to outline...and follow through with...the actions that I believe align with our code and create the best possible environment for language acquisition.
The third layer is comprised of what we allow, and encourage, from the students in the classrooms. This is a complex endeavor, made up of hundreds, if not thousands of tiny interactions that take place in the classroom.
Creating a strong code for the classroom makes it easier. Thinking about what I can do, on a daily basis, makes it easier. Communicating the code, and my goals, to my students makes it easier. Being vigilant takes practice. The beauty of it? As more trust layers are built, there will be fewer "trust violations" to deal with among the students.
Having said that, our students are children...or adolescents. They will say and do many things that destroy trust. They live in a world where the actions that destroy trust are the actions most highly rewarded with money and popularity. They will try out their newly-developing cognitive abilities in order to find their place in a social world of ever-growing importance. We cannot take it personally when they throw stink bombs of sarcasm, criticism and cynicism on those trust bridges. We can only continue to build layers and reward/encourage them when they add layers.
In fact, perhaps the most important thing that we can demonstrate, with words and actions, is that we will always have hope and faith in their ability to become intelligent, interesting, capable and important adults.
When behavior goes awry in my classroom, I try to deal with it as directly and honestly as possible. I try to offer the offender some dignity (even if I, or others in the class think he/she doesn't deserve any under the circumstances). I try to request an apology from the offender. I try to acknowledge the apology when it comes.
Example: We are creating a story. I ask "Why _________?" and a student yells out the statement "Cuz So-and-So ( a student ) is so fat!". I stop. Immediately. I look, with a neutral face (no smiling/no frowning) at the offending student.
Possibility #1: The student knows an error has been made and apologies. I say, "Apology accepted." We immediately go back to the story.
Possibility #2: The student just thought he was being funny. He is laughing at his own humor. I look directly at him and calmly say, "We do not make insulting comments. Perhaps it was unintentional. Please apologize. " The student knows an error has been made and apologies. I say, "Apology accepted." We immediately go back to the story.
Possibility #3: The student was being deliberately cruel or rude. I can sense anger in the student's tone. I look directly at him and calmly say, "We do not make insulting comments. Perhaps it was unintentional. Please apologize. " If the student does apologize, we continue. If the student does not apologize, I say "Please wait for me in the hallway. I'll speak with you privately in a few moments." I ask the class to write down three ideas in L1 or L2 about what happens next in the story. I step into the hallway (leaving the door open and the class within my view) and have a short discussion with the student. Sometimes the student apologizes (which often happens once they are not in front of their peers).
I always ask if there is a problem between the insulter and the insultee. Often, some issue unrelated to class is involved and we can address that in the guidance office after class. Usually the student is struggling with some other issue and insulting someone else felt "good" for just a few seconds. Usually, by this time, there has been an apology and we enter the class and go on.
I do not make the student apologize publicly to another student unless, as a class, we have reached a certain level of trust. While it seems like it might be the right thing to do, with my high school students it often embarrasses both students beyond repair. If I think that a conversation between the two is necessary, I find a way for it to take place outside of class.
Most importantly, if I have somehow embarrassed a student or put any of my students in a bad position, I apologize. Publicly. Sincerely. Most teens have had few experiences with sincere apologies. They need that exposure.
with love,
Laurie
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