Be there.

    How?  First be there physically.  Years ago, Hal Urban came to our school and encouraged us to welcome our students from our doors….as they enter the room…to give them the message:  I am glad that you are here.   I am glad to be here with you.   

    Next, be there psychologically.   Make eye contact.   Watch.  Listen.   Pay attention.  Trust your instincts.   Your gut will tell you if a student is being  picked on, trying to be invisible or trying to distract the class (and you)  from another situation. 

    Third, be there emotionally.  Being there emotionally is the hardest part for many of us.  We grew up in a system that said that emotions did not belong in school (as if you can choose to NOT have any…).   We were trained to avoid becoming “emotionally involved” with our students.    But there is an enormous difference between becoming emotionally involved and being emotionally present. 

    Being emotionally involved means that you want the students to care about you and that you you care whether or not they like you.     It is being in their emotional world and on their emotional level .   When they are happy, you are happy.  When they are sad and frustrated, so are you.   When you are sad and frustrated, you think that they should feel the same way, or at the very least feel guilty about how you feel…..especially if they are the reason that you are sad and frustrated.

 Being emotionally present is being aware of how they feel, being aware of how you feel, and behaving in such a way that you and they can move forward with the learning and the day.   It means vocalizing your feelings so that others are aware, but not so that they are burdened.  It means taking responsibility for your own feelings with your actions.    Taking deep breaths.   Waiting patiently, solidly, strongly, with the expectation that changes will happen.     Speaking calmly, quietly, firmly.   Apologizing when you are wrong.   Making amends in a way that students can see when appropriate.     Expressing anger in a healthy way.   Standing up for yourself when necessary.    Modeling for our students the kinds of behaviors that we would like them to grow into. 

Ellen Shrager is a gifted teacher in Pennsylvania who has created materials that we can use to age get there.   Her book “Teacher Dialogues” is a wonderful source of inspiration and practical advice.  You can find information about “Teacher Dialogues” on Ellen’s website: http://home.comcast.net/~mrsshrager/site/

There is no “formula” for being there.   We just have to show up every day and do our best at it.   If we pay attention, we will do fine….and we will become aware of ways to do it better.    We can watch our colleagues for ways to do it well (and occasionally for things to avoid doing….)  We can listen to our students.  They frequently share what works and what doesn’t.   I don’t mean joining in on conversations about our colleagues.   I mean paying attention when they mention a positive or negative moment in school…and responding to it with our actions, with our behavior in (or just outside of )our own classrooms.

Again, there is no formula.  We have to create our own vision of the teacher that we want to become and strive towards that every day.    That is why connecting with each other is so very very important.   Search for others who are, or who want to be, where we are heading.  If you do not find them in your building, search for them in professional organizations, church,  listservs, facebook, blogs, conferences…or all of the above.  :o)

With love,

Laurie