(originally posted 4/27/10)

He was an athlete, a talented one.  He had a wise-ass attitude towards most adults, particularly those in authority.  He attended school often enough to stay eligible to play sports, but not any more than he needed to.   He smoked a lot of pot.   He didn’t hand work in on time…when he did it.  He was not voted most likely to succeed.

He now owns a highly-successful construction firm.  He bought his first house the summer he graduated from high school.  He owns a number of rental properties.  He stopped smoking pot when he saw how his pot-smoking employees made a mess of things.  He often hires men that are on parole or probation and gives them a second chance at life.  He is a devoted and responsible dad.   I’d say he is a success.

She was the snottiest student most teachers had ever encountered.  She had a small but very loyal group of friends.  She absolutely refused to work with anyone else…ever.    She was condescending.   She had a look that could flatten you.   She always gave the impression that she was smarter, prettier, better than everyone else….and that you had better treat her that way.   She questioned every grade.    She quietly insulted people.   She was not voted most likely to succeed.

She is now pursuing a Ph.D at one of the most prestigious universities in America.   She spends enormous amounts of her spare time advocating for the poor in Rwanda.   She travels to Africa and back several times a year, even volunteering to live in huts and use outhouses.    She raises money to help young men combat hunger and poor nutrition.  She makes presentations in churches and schools about her mission.  I’d say that she is a success.

He was a kid who made friends easily.  Maybe too easily.   It was often difficult for him to be quiet in class when the teacher was speaking.  He spent a lot of time checking with his friends to make sure that they were getting the information.  He hated to read….in fact, he didn’t really start reading until the summer between third and fourth grade.    He got bored easily.   He often got in trouble for defending a friend if a teacher was mean or sarcastic.   He missed enormous amounts of school when he developed a severe anxiety disorder.    He was not even considered likely to succeed.

He is now a prolific reader and owns a library’s worth of books.   He’s won awards for playwriting.   He’s a sophomore in college majoring in business and creative writing…but he really has the heart of a teacher.   He has maintained his friends from high school and has added a new crew as well.   He carries a B+ average and has helped several friends get enrolled at the local community college….kids who were told that they would never be “college material.”   I’d say that he is a success.

She was raised by a dad who was a drug addict and left to fend for herself even as a preschooler.   She was hospitalized for psychiatric treatment in her junior year of high school.    She had to redo the entire year.   She didn’t have running water.   She rarely had new clothes, a real haircut or a vacation.   She had few friends in school.    She wore caution tape for a belt.     She was considered far from likely to succeed.

She is graduating from a top-notch four year college with a double major in psychology and philosophy.    She has worked with professors at Brown and Harvard.   She works with young women who are trying to get off of the streets.    She spent a summer as a camp counselor for young people with a myriad of social and psychological problems.   She gave her brother a computer as a high school graduation present.     She has been accepted by the University of Edinburgh (in Scotland, among other schools) for a Master’s program in Philosophy.    She has an entire group of friends whom she will miss dearly….and will most certainly miss her.   I’d say that she is a success.

I could go on and on.   One has traveled the world, earned a Master’s degree in Biology, routinely supports family members in need and hopes someday to become an MD.    One is working his way through college to earn a degree in Italian.  One is a wonderful family man in South Dakota, an active and amazing part of his community.   One is a gifted musician, producing her own CD’s, appearing in cafe’s around the city, working with the developmentally disabled and in a loving relationship with a dear man and two miniature dachsunds.   One is a loving, hard-working single teen mom working her way through college…..without the help of her mother.   One is a soldier stationed in Germany.   None of them were considered “a success” in high school.    They are all real, wonderful, amazing people.

Don’t let adolescent challenges, armor, attitudes and family situations fool you.   What you see is rarely what you get.

with love,
Laurie

All content of this website © Hearts For Teaching 2009-present and/or original authors. Unauthorized use or distribution of materials without express and written consent of the owners/authors is strictly prohibited. Examples and links may be used as long as clear and direct reference to the site and original authors is clearly established.

(originally posted 4/26/10)

(Please remember that I am working out my thoughts as I write…not necessarily preaching a sermon!!!)

A number of years ago I wrote a piece for the moretprs list about kids with “attitude.”   Lots of things have changed in a decade, but the fact that adolescents often have “attitude” has not.  This piece talks about what you see….so I will start with it:

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UNDERSTANDING STUDENTS WITH “ATTITUDE”

Okay ladies and gentlemen…here it is..

We are a threat to hair flippers.

It is a well-developed protection mechanism designed to preserve a lifestyle which focuses on these young ladies’ social strengths…beauty and social position.  Hair flipping is an art and a well-practiced communication device.  It says:

DON’T THREATEN MY WORLD.

Other students have this protection mechanism as well.  Each group has its own:  The Swagger and Swearers, The Smell like Smoke Shufflers, The Eyebrow Raisers,  The Can’t Stop Gigglingers, The Smart Remarkers,The Grunters, The I Still Love Last Year’s Teacherers,  The Eye Rollers, The Incessant Whisperers, and among others..another one of our favorites…The Great Sarcastic Remarkers.

These devices are automatic…particularly at the beginning of the school year when you don’t know them, they don’t know you , and the class doesn’t know each other.  The mechanism says clearly:

THIS IS WHAT I AM COMFORTABLE DOING AND BEING IN FRONT OF OTHERS.  READ MY MECHANISM!!

In our position as language teachers we ask them almost immediately to do things WAY outside of their comfort zone.  It is very very threatening..  It is threatening because:

THEY ARE AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES. (to them a mistake is NOT always doing something wrong..sometimes it is doing the wrong thing)

THEY DON’T KNOW THEY CAN TRUST US.

THEY WANT TO CONTROL WHAT OTHERS THINK OF THEM.

Deactivating these mechanisms takes love and time.  Be yourself.  Love them. Push gently.  Be patient.  Show them that you are proud of your weird and wonderful and individual self.   They will see you as a role  model…even if they have to be out of their teens before they begin to emulate you.

LOVE AND TIME.

Stuff we all need.

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I wrote this just as I was beginning my TPRS journey and it resonates even more with me today.  Personalization is so central to TPRS…yet our students often work very hard to cover and protect what is really important to them.  How do we combat that?

First, we accept that they have reasons for their cover.  It really doesn’t matter if we like those reasons or not…what matters is that we acknowledge who/what walks in our door.  How? By treating them as real, regular people…regardless of their hair color, hair cut, number (or location) of piercings, choice of music, addiction to video games etc.

(now…that doesn’t mean that I am advocating the acceptance of foul language, degrading t shirts, pants on the ground et.al)

One of the requirements in my room is that we treat others AS IF they are intelligent, interesting, capable and important.  It is as hard for me, some days, to remember that as it is for my students.  Frankly, they don’t always act intelligent, interesting, capable and important.  I have some students who make an extreme effort NOT to appear to be any of those things….

However, treating them AS IF they are really does work.  In time, using patience, and understanding that they may ultimately work hardest to keep their “cover” in place…but it does work.

It has been much easier to do since I took Susie Gross’ advice to “teach to the eyes” to heart.  It takes them a while to get used to being taught to that way…because it is harder to maintain a cover that way.   But it works….and the cover starts to melt…or at the very least to transform so that it more closely resembles the heart of the adolescent within…and less like the suit of armor that protects it.

I’ve also learned to open my eyes outside of the classroom.  It is amazing how different some students can be outside of my four walls.  I’ve seen spiky-haired, black-rimmed-eyed giants play piggy-back with their younger siblings.  I might see an exquisite water-color displayed that was created by a lineman.  I have had extremely well-coiffed young ladies who can dismantle a four-wheeler…and reassemble it.  I have seen tiny fairy-like creatures kick and run like wildfire on the playing field.  I am constantly surprised by the many facets of students’ interests, abilities and personalities.

I never really know what will be the key that opens a student up.  Sometimes it is something that we do in class: a story, a poem, a movie, a song, a current event.  Other times it is casual observance of a tshirt design, a new pair of shoes, a sketch on the front of a book cover.   Occasionally it is an item in my classroom…this year the fans that I brought back from Spain have opened up many doors of conversation.  Rarely, if ever, am I the one that opens the door.  It is almost always the student who shows me, if only for a tiny instant, a glimpse beyond the armor.

It is my job to be open, ready and PAYING ATTENTION…so that I do not miss it.

with love,
Laurie

All content of this website © Hearts For Teaching 2009-present and/or original authors. Unauthorized use or distribution of materials without express and written consent of the owners/authors is strictly prohibited. Examples and links may be used as long as clear and direct reference to the site and original authors is clearly established.